


Innocence

by LottieWarwick



Category: Glue (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-15
Updated: 2014-11-20
Packaged: 2018-02-25 10:10:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2618063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LottieWarwick/pseuds/LottieWarwick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James is busy with the lambing and Cal has heard they could do with some extra help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> James and Cal are aged about 13 and 9 in this fic so there isn't any relationship stuff, though Cal does have a crush on James. 
> 
> I have tried to make all the details about lambing as accurate as possible but I'm certainly no expert and any mistakes are my own fault.
> 
> The title refers to William Blake's Songs of Innocence and Experience. One of the Songs of Innocence is called The Lamb. (I'm not very good at titles.)

James didn’t know he was there until he laughed. His attention had been focused entirely on the scene in front of him: the female lamb happily skipping around the pen while her mother prepared to give birth to her twin. The first lamb was frisky, even by lamb standards. Most newborn lambs are more interested in their mother’s milk than anything else but this lamb seemed to be preparing for the next series of Strictly Come Dancing. It had fallen over a fair few times but it kept on getting back up again.

When the lamb’s need for milk became paramount, a slight problem arose. The lamb seemed to be confused about which was her mother and which was the watching farm boy, who, to be fair, had helped with her birth. She was now standing with her head between the rungs of the gate, trying to suck James’ kneecaps.

That was when Cal laughed. 

James jumped at the sound and was, if anything, even more startled when he saw who it was. “What are you-” He cut himself off. “Never mind. I think this lamb needs a bit of help.” James climbed over the fence and gently pushed the lamb in the direction of the ewe. “There you go. Over there. There’s Mum. That’s where the milk is. Under there, yes, that’s right. I’m just the midwife. I’ll just check on your twin while I’m here but if everything’s okay, I’ll leave you alone to get acquainted.”

“I’ve never heard you say so many words in one go,” Cal observed. James ignored him. He had more important things to worry about than impudent little boys.

A quick examination showed that the second lamb was well-presented and the ewe was unlikely to need assistance this time. James looked around for Cal, half-expecting him to have disappeared again but he was still watching, his eyes wide.

“James, did you seriously just stick your hand up that sheep’s-”

“Yes, I did,” said James. He climbed back over the fence. “What are you doing here, Cal?”

“I came to help,” said Cal.

James had a feeling his eyes might have bulged in surprise but he tried to cover it up. “That’s very kind of you, Cal, but I think we’re okay. But thanks. I appreciate it.”

Cal gave him a reproachful look. “Don’t lie to me. You’re a rubbish liar. And even if you weren’t, I know you need help because you asked Eli and he said he’d rather suck his own cock than stuck his hand up a sheep’s-”

“Yes, I know what Eli said, I was there,” James cut in quickly. “But we don’t really need help at the moment. An extra pair of hands would have been useful but we can manage.”

“I’ve got hands!” Cal said and waved them in James’ face.

James laughed. “Yes, but are you prepared to stick them up a sheep’s-”

“Maybe!” Cal gave James his most beseeching look. “Please let me stay, James. I just want to help. I promise I won’t get in the way. I’ll just watch you and do as I’m told.”

James thought about saying he’d never known Cal do as he was told before but he didn’t want to offend him, especially not when he was so eager to help. Besides, Eli and Tina helped out on the farm all the time. Cal probably felt left out and that was a feeling James understood because he’d never felt he was quite as much a part of the group as the others.

“I’ll be very good!” said Cal. “I’ll be so good, you won’t even notice I’m here.”

James couldn’t help smiling to himself as he silently admitted defeat. Saying no to Cal had never been one of his strengths. “Okay. You can stay.”

“Thank you!” For a moment, it looked like Cal might hug him but he didn’t. 

James was slightly relieved. He wouldn’t have known how to react to that. “How did you get in here anyway?” 

Cal looked smug. “Through the door. No-one stopped me. I don’t think they even saw me.”

James wasn’t completely surprised to hear this. Cal was a little livewire but he knew how to be quiet when he was sneaking into somewhere he wasn’t supposed to be. “Okay, if you want to help, you’d better stay with me. You won’t be able to do very much because you haven’t had any training and you probably aren’t strong enough for the physical stuff-” He saw Cal beginning to scowl and quickly added: “-though you are stronger than I was when I was your age.”

“I’m much stronger than I look,” Cal said as he followed James from pen to pen, checking on the ewes. 

“I know you are.” 

Cal climbed onto one of the gates and leaned over. “So they’re all having lambs then?”

“That’s right,” James said. He stood beside Cal. “The ewes with two dots on their back are having triplets; the ones with one dot are having twins; and the ones without a dot are having one. So, as you can see, this one here is having…”

“Twins,” said Cal. He pursed his lips disapprovingly. “Your system is stupid. Why not have three dots for triplets, two for twins and one for singles? That makes much more sense.”

James smiled reminiscently. “I remember asking my mum the exact same question. She told me not to ask stupid questions so I never actually got an answer. But that’s the way it’s done on a lot of farms. I suppose it saves paint that way.”

“Paint?” Cal said disbelievingly. “You paint your sheep?”

James nodded, and started walking again. “And we paint them again after the lambs are born. Before we release them, we have to give each mother and her lambs a number so we know which lambs belong to which ewe.” 

Cal continued to ask questions and James patiently answered them all as he continued to check on the ewes. Aaron, a young guy in his early twenties who often came to help with lambing on the Warwicks' farm, was delivering a lamb as they passed and Cal watched eagerly. James, however, had seen signs that all was not well and was about to hurry Cal away when Aaron called out to him.

“James, this one’s stillborn but there are some triplet lambs being born three pens along. I’ll hold the ewe.”

James nodded. He knew exactly what he was being asked to do. “I’ll see to it. Come on, Cal.”

“What does stillborn mean?” Cal asked as James led him away.

James hesitated, remembering how upset he’d been when he’d seen his first stillborn lamb. And his second, for that matter. It still made him sad even now. “It means the lamb… died before it was born.”

“Are you okay?” Cal actually put his hand on James’ arm.

“I’m fine.” James smiled at him gratefully. “I don’t like it when the lambs die but it’s something that’s always going to happen. I’m starting to get used to it now.”

“I bet loads more would die if you weren’t there to help them,” said Cal. Then he went slightly red and quickly removed his hand from James’ arm as though he thought he’d done something wrong.

“Yes. You’re probably right. I hadn’t really thought of it that way. Thanks.” James patted Cal’s arm. “Now let’s deal with these triplets.”

As usual, it was the smallest one that was getting shoved out of the way as the two larger ones fed. The smallest triplet evidently had spirit and kept on trying to push them out of the way but his siblings refused to move.

“Can’t their mum stop them?” asked Cal. He was standing on the first rung of the gate, leaning a bit too far over to get a better look. 

“No, she can’t,” said James. “The mother can only really feed two anyway. It’s much better if we find him a new mother who has milk to spare. Can you get down for a minute so I can climb over?”

Cal jumped down so suddenly, he nearly landed on James’ foot. “You’re not going to take him away from his mum?”

“It’s the best thing to do,” James said as he climbed into the pen. “A newborn lamb needs the colostrum from the mother’s milk. The first feed is really important. But even if there is still some left, there’s not much chance of the little one getting to it.”

“So… you’re just going to take it?” Cal’s eyes were wide and shocked.

“That’s right,” James said gently. He reached over the gate to pat Cal’s shoulder. “But it’ll be okay. It’s something we deal with all the time.”

James caught the little lamb in one arm and climbed quickly over the gate again. It wasn’t easy when the lamb was squirming, trying desperately to get free, but James had done this many times before. James held the lamb close to his chest and turned back to Cal, who still looked upset. “Come on, Cal. Let’s go and find this lamb a new mum.” 

He was surprised the incident had affected Cal so deeply but he could understand. James hadn’t forgotten, many years ago, seeing a lamb rejected by its mother for the first time. He remembered crying and being pushed aside impatiently by his mother, just as the lamb had been pushed aside. His sister had taken him inside and tried to explain what would happen but he hadn’t been able to believe it till he’d seen the lamb settled in its new family for himself. 

“But what will happen when the mum notices?” Cal said almost angrily. “What if she looks around for the little lamb and it’s just not there?”

“She won’t look for him,” James said as gently as he could.

“What? Why not, James?”

“Because… because lambing is a very stressful experience and she isn’t really in any state to know how many lambs she’s had,” James said at last. “And the lambs won’t remember, they’re too young to remember anything. So they’ll be okay.”

Cal looked far from convinced but he asked no more questions; he just walked quietly at James’ side, his eyes on the ground.

They returned to Aaron, who was still holding onto the ewe. She was twisting and turning, bleating in distress as she tried to get a look at the lamb she was sure she’d given birth to, but the hands holding her were too strong.

“What’s he doing?” asked Cal in bewilderment, but Aaron didn’t give James time to answer.

“Have you got one?”

“Yes, the smallest triplet.”

“Do you know what to do, James, if I keep hold of her?”

James nodded. He’d been helping with wet adoptions for years. He climbed quickly over the fence and bent over the stillborn lamb, which was still covered in the birthing fluids. He rubbed the tiny triplet against the dead lamb, watching as his fleece became stained with fluids. He looked up at Cal, who was watching curiously. “This probably looks a bit weird, Cal, but it works. The ewe hasn’t seen her lamb yet, but she knows its smell. When she sees this lamb, she’ll recognise the smell and think it’s hers.”

“And then she’ll adopt it?” Cal asked. “So he’ll have a mum and she’ll have a baby after all?”

“That’s right.”

Cal seemed to be thinking about this. "I suppose that's a good thing."

“I thought it was odd too, the first time,” James admitted. “But it seems like the natural thing to do now.” Satisfied the job was complete, James picked up the lamb by his back legs. “I know this looks cruel, Cal, but it doesn’t hurt them.”

“I’ll leave you to it, then,” Aaron said. He picked up the stillborn lamb and climbed out of the pen. He stopped and frowned a little when he recognised Cal, but something in another pen seemed to catch his attention and he strode off quickly.

The ewe turned in search of her lamb and James gently placed the triplet down in front of her. Once that was done, he hurriedly got out of the pen. “The ewe needs time to get to know her new lamb. She might be less likely to bond with him if I’m in there with them.”

Cal leaned on the gate and watched the two sheep. “How long will it take?”

“Until the ewe feels comfortable,” James said. He stood beside Cal. The ewe had so far no attempt to touch the lamb but once James was safely out of the way, she slowly bent her head towards it. She sniffed at it once… and then turned her back on it.  
“Why did she do that?” Cal asked anxiously, his hand on James’ sleeve.

James wanted to reassure him but he knew Cal wouldn’t accept a lie. In any case, James didn’t want to get his hopes up for nothing. “Sometimes it takes a couple of minutes. But the wet adoption doesn’t always work. If she doesn’t believe it’s her lamb, there’s no way she’ll feed it.”

The little triplet got to his feet and trotted over to the ewe but again she turned away. She knew, purely from her maternal instincts, that this lamb simply wasn’t hers. The lamb looked at her and a heartrending bleat filled the air.

“It hasn’t worked,” said James. He quickly took the rejected lamb out of the pen and cuddled him close as he bleated again.

“Why not?” said Cal. He sounded upset.

James spoke as kindly as he could. “I can’t, Cal. Sometimes it just doesn’t work. So we’ll try to find another ewe to be his mother.” James put his arm around Cal, unable to bear the look on his face: the huge, shocked eyes and the lips tightly pressed together as though Cal was afraid they might tremble. “Are you okay? Would you rather leave this to me?”

Cal swallowed, and seemed to be trying to calm himself. “No. I want to stay. I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

Cal nodded. “I’m sure. Are you going to do the same thing again?” To James’ relief, he looked more composed now.

“Not unless we have another stillborn lamb,” James said. “If the lamb dies after the birth, it won’t work.” He started to walk up and down the lambing shed, looking into each pen for both possible chances for adoption and ewes in trouble. 

“Why not?” Cal asked, walking along beside him.

“You know we had to hold onto the ewe in order for the wet adoption to work?” said James. “That’s because, if the ewe actually saw her lamb, there would be less chance of her bonding with the triplet lamb. But you can only do a wet adoption when the lamb is stillborn. If the lamb dies sometime after the birth, the mother will already have licked it clean of the birthing fluids so we can’t smear them over the triplet. But there is another kind of adoption we can try.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Cal haven't managed to find a new mother for the triplet lamb but James has a few more ideas.

“Another kind of adoption?” said Cal.

James nodded. “Yes: it’s called a twinning adoption.”

“Is that when a ewe has had one lamb, so you give her another one and then she has twins?” Cal asked, not unreasonably.

“Not quite, though there is a form of wet adoption that works like that. With the twinning adoption-” James stopped beside one of the pens. There was a lamb lying on the floor, but this one was still. The ewe had already licked it clean and was still nuzzling it with love and affection, apparently with little idea her lamb had died.

Despite all the years he’d been working on the farm, the sight still gave James a little catch in his throat. He swallowed and felt Cal gently squeezing his arm. “Cal, can you hold the triplet for a minute? I’m going to try a twinning adoption but first I’ll make sure the lamb is dead.”

“Of course I can hold him.” Cal’s face was solemn but calm as he took the lamb. James started to explain the correct way to hold it but there was no need. Cal already seemed to know. James wasn’t sure if it was instinctive or if he’d been watching James closely: either way, it comforted him to know that Cal was taking this seriously and was there for him. 

James climbed over the fence and knelt beside the dead lamb, tickling its nose in an attempt to start its breathing, but he’d seen enough lambs to know it was no use. He lifted the lamb in his arms and climbed out of the pen.

“Are you okay, James?” Cal asked diffidently.

James blinked hard and nodded. “I’m fine. You?”

“I’m fine,” said Cal. “I was just worried about you.” He continued quickly: “How are we going to make the ewe believe that the little triplet is her lamb?” 

“I’m going to take the skin off the dead lamb, put it on the triplet, then the mum will think this one’s her lamb,” explained James.

Cal wrinkled his nose. “Gross.”

James managed a shaky laugh. “That’s what I thought the first time too. But I’ve got used to it, and it does work.” He started to get the necessary tools out of his pocket. “You might want to focus on the triplet lamb while I do this.”

“I don’t mind.” Cal stroked the triplet lamb’s nose. “You know what you said about the first feed after the birth having closty-thingy in?”

“Colostrum, yes,” James said as he bent over the dead lamb.

“Can he get that from any ewe?”

“As long as she’s just given birth to a lamb, and her other lambs haven’t drunk it already, yes,” said James.

“And it won’t matter that he had to wait?”

“It would matter if he had to wait too long for it,” James said. “But it won’t be too long for a while yet.” He smiled reassuringly at Cal, who smiled back. Cal was quiet as James neatly removed the skin and took the dead lamb away, ready for composting but as soon as James was back, the questions started up again. 

“How do you get it on the lamb?”

James looked up and felt quite emotional again when he saw that Cal was holding the triplet lamb so he couldn’t see the dead one. It wasn’t necessary, of course, but it was sweet. Cal gently stroked the lamb’s head and as he waited for James’ reply, he bent his head close to the lamb and whispered something in Romani.

“It’s a bit like putting a jumper on it,” said James. “I don’t suppose you’ve ever put a jumper on a sheep, but let me tell you, it’s not easy.” He held out his arms for the triplet lamb. Cal surrendered it with something like reluctance but his eyes were alight with curiosity as he waited to see what James would do.

It wasn’t easy. It was the first time James had done it completely without assistance but at last, the lamb was ready. James put it in the pen, and it ran straight to the ewe.

Cal’s face lit up, and clutched James’ arm. “He thinks she’s his mum!”

James nodded, but he didn’t reply. He hadn’t told Cal, he hadn’t had the heart, but putting the skin on was actually the easy part. Now all they could do was wait. 

The lamb seemed to know not only that the ewe was his mum, he knew where the milk was. He put his head confidently underneath her body.

The ewe butted him away. 

James heard Cal give a small gasp, but he said nothing. Neither of them did. They just watched as the lamb tried to feed again.  
For a second time, the ewe butted him away, this time knocking him right off his feet. The lamb looked a bit surprised but he got up and tried again. This time, the ewe kicked out at him and he scrambled away, bleating loudly.

“It’s not working,” James said sadly. “It doesn’t always.” He quickly retrieved the lamb before the ewe could do any further damage. Cal stood watching, biting his lip. James put his arm around him. “I know it’s sad, Cal. It’s horrible.”

“No-one wants him,” Cal said softly. He didn’t meet James’ eye.

“That’s not true,” said James. He squeezed Cal’s shoulder. “We want it and there is something else we can do. Something that will work.” He let go of Cal and quickly removed the skin of the dead lamb. “We just need to get rid of this first.”

“Okay. I’ll carry the lamb,” Cal said. He was silent as James disposed of the skin in the correct manner. “What now?”

“Now we’re going to do something special,” James said. “Come over here.” He led Cal to a pen with a few lambs in, but no ewes. “This is the nursery for orphaned lambs – most of them are the smallest of three triplets. Look, we’ve got teats on the wall there – that’s how they’ll get their colostrum. It’s not quite as good as the real thing, but it’s easily good enough.”

“And then he’ll be okay?”

“Almost certainly,” James said. “And we can’t say more than ‘almost’ for any lamb. Go on, then, Cal. Put him down in the pen and see what he does.”

Cal did as he was told. They watched as the lamb explored his new surroundings. Cal was worried when he didn’t immediately find one of the teats but James, after giving it a little bit longer, climbed into the pen and told Cal to follow him.

“Come here, you,” James said, catching the lamb and guiding him over to an empty teat. “There you are.”

“Is he drinking it?” Cal asked anxiously. His hand closed around James’ arm.

James put a finger to the lamb’s mouth. “Not yet, but we can help. And if he doesn’t like the teat, there’s always the bottle.”

Cal watched the lamb for a moment. “I’ve never fed a lamb before.”

James looked at him in surprise. “Would you like to? You should have said.”

Cal looked almost shy. “I didn’t know I did. And I just want it to be… wanted, you know?”

“I know you do.” James let go of the lamb, who immediately detached itself from the tap and gambolled over to Cal. 

Cal knelt down and gently petted his head. “I’ll wait here with him while you get the bottle.” He gave James another shy look. “Do you ever name them?”

“We always name the hand-reared ones,” James said. “Maybe you could think of a name for him.” He climbed over the gate and then turned back. “If anyone asks what you’re doing, say you’re with me, okay?”

“Okay,” Cal replied, though his attention was completely on the lamb, and James wondered with a smile if Cal had even heard what he’d said. Letting Cal hang around the lambing sheds with him had been a bit of an eye-opener. He remembered how close he’d come to asking Cal to leave but now he was glad he’d accepted Cal’s help. Cal was interested, obedient, and very supportive. James knew he would have found it much more difficult without him.

He couldn’t help thinking that Cal would make a good farmer. He was young, but he’d either known instinctively or cared enough to work out how to hold the lamb and make him feel safe. He’d faced the death of lambs with a calm and mature attitude that James was still trying to cultivate, himself. He didn’t doubt that Cal was upset but he’d controlled it and done all he could to comfort James.

Of course, seeing the lamb rejected by three different mothers had upset him but that was understandable. James found it upsetting too.

James found a bottle, filled it with processed milk and returned to Cal’s side. Cal didn’t even seem to see him approach. He was too busy talking to the lamb in Romani. The lamb was looking up at him with an alert, intelligent expression on his face, as though he understood every word Cal was saying.

“Has he got a name yet?” James asked as he crouched down beside Cal.

“I thought maybe Jacob,” Cal said shyly. “We have Biblical names in our family so I kind of started from there and I think Jacob suits him.”

James nodded; he’d noticed the naming trends in the Bray family, and Ruth had a Biblical name too. “It does suit him. And there is actually a kind of sheep called a Jacob – this one isn’t a Jacob but the black markings on his wool make him look a bit like one.” He didn’t add that Jacob was also a form of James. He doubted Cal knew that and he didn’t want to embarrass him into changing his mind. 

“Have you got the bottle, then?” Cal asked eagerly, holding out his hand.

“It’s not as easy as you might think,” James warned. “The lamb is very strong, he’ll throw it out of your hands if you don’t hold on tightly.” 

“I’m stronger than I look,” said Cal. “I’m nearly as strong as Eli.”

James hid a smile; he very much doubted that. “You’ll need both hands – we all use both hands.” He watched as Cal grasped the bottle with the understandably clumsy hold of one who’s never done such a thing before. James hesitated, then put his hands over Cal’s small ones, moulding his fingers into the correct positions. “There. I’ll hold it too because I remember what happened the first time I tried to feed a lamb. Now we hold the bottle out to Jacob. Tilt it downwards slightly… that’s right.”

It could sometimes take a while to coax a lamb to feed but Cal had evidently gained Jacob’s trust. He skipped closer to Cal and seized the bottle in his mouth.

“Shit, he’s strong!” Cal said involuntarily as the bottle jerked in his hands. He would certainly have lost his grip if James hadn’t been holding on so firmly.

“Yes, he is,” James agreed. He saw Cal’s smile widen as Jacob sucked greedily at the milk, finally drinking the colostrum he needed in order to become a healthy lamb. 

“He’s enjoying it, isn’t he?” Cal said with approval. 

“He knows what’s good for him, your Jacob does.” James loosened his hold on Cal’s hands. “Do you want to try by yourself now?”

Cal nodded, and James let go. Almost at once, Jacob jerked his head to the side and the bottle flew out of Cal’s grasp. Jacob also lost his hold on the bottle and it flew into the air. Milk streamed out of the bottle, landing on James’ trousers to form a puddle. Cal’s eyes went wide with horror. “Fuck! I’m sorry, James.”

James laughed. “It’s fine. I did exactly the same thing the first time I fed a lamb, except that I managed to spray the milk onto my sister. She wasn’t very pleased, especially as she was wearing her best dress.”

Cal turned to him incredulously. “Her best dress? For lambing?” He shook his head almost pityingly. “Why are girls so stupid? Even Tina’s started wearing silly short skirts and then making a fuss when we ask her to climb over anything. And she’s a really good climber.”

“I think Bee was probably a bit younger than Tina when it happened,” James said. He half-closed his eyes, trying to remember. There had been so many lambing seasons after all. “There was a guy called Wayne helping with the sheep that year. He had a shaved head, a million piercings, and played in a band when he wasn’t helping out on farms. Bee loved him.”

“Did you like him?” Cal asked while James was occupied with picking up the bottle.

James shook his head. “No. Not my type at all. I mean, not my type of person. He was supposed to be helping us but he never actually did very much. He just moaned a lot and pretended to flirt with Bee – she was much too young for him really. My mum got rid of him very quickly.”

“He doesn’t sound like my type of person either,” said Cal.

“I don’t think even Bee liked him for long.” James handed him back the bottle. “Are you ready to try again?”

Cal was ready and he showed he was a fast learner. He held onto the bottle so tightly, his knuckles went white and James suspected there might be permanent dents in the bottle – but he didn’t lose his grip on it. 

When Jacob had finished his drink, he ran around the pen a couple of times, then came back to sit beside Cal, who stroked his head as though he were a dog.

“He likes you,” James said. He was surprised, but pleasantly so. Cal could be cheeky and quick-tempered and he already seemed to have a knowledge of drink and drugs that surpassed James’ own. But Cal was loyal to his friends, and that, it seemed, included the four-legged ones.

“I wish I could take him home with me,” Cal said without looking at James. “I’d help him know he was wanted. The other lambs… they probably haven’t been rejected three times, have they?”

“Probably not, Cal, but look at him.” James smiled at the sight. “I’m sure he doesn’t remember, and have you ever seen such a happy lamb?” He paused for a moment. “But if you want to take him home, I don’t see why you shouldn’t.”

Cal’s head whipped round. “Seriously?”

“I don’t see why not,” said James. His mum might object but as she objected to every bottle-fed lamb anyway, James was in a lose-lose situation with her. “You’d need some kind of pen to keep him in and you’d have to look after him properly, but I can help you with that. You’re good with animals and you’re responsible enough to take care of yourself, so why not a lamb?” He smiled at Cal. “Would you like that?”

“Of course I would!” said Cal. He smiled at James in delight, then suddenly threw his arms around him. As James was precariously balanced on his heels, he fell backwards with Cal on top of him. Jacob promptly climbed on top of Cal and it was a while before the two boys managed to extricate themselves. Cal was flushed and couldn’t stop laughing and James didn’t think he’d ever seen him so happy.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James is busy doing his homework and keeping out of his sister's way but then he has a visitor. Two visitors.

James didn’t pay any attention to the knock on the door. Bee had a date and James was under orders to stay out of the way so he didn’t embarrass her. James couldn’t help thinking that if Eli had made the same request of his younger brother, Cal would have gone out his way to be as embarrassing as possible. 

But James wasn’t Cal. James didn’t have the imagination, never mind the confidence, to do something like that. He didn’t really want to annoy his sister anyway. James didn’t take any pleasure either from upsetting her or making her want to kill him. 

“James!” He heard Bee screaming up the stairs, followed by the sound of her high heels clumping on the stairs. A second later, she burst into his room without knocking. “That little gypsy boy’s here for you.”

“Who, Cal? He has a name, you know.”

“Of course he has a name but you can’t expect me to remember the names of all your friends,” Bee said crossly. “I’m not used to you having lots of friends. It’s a new experience for me.”

James knew it was better not to engage with her. “Thanks, I’ll come down.”

“He’s on the doorstep,” Bee said as she left his room.

“The doorstep?” James forgot all about not engaging. He ran after her and hauled her back. “You can’t leave my friends on the doorstep!”

Bee put her hands on her hips. “Well, I couldn’t let that animal into the house, could I?”

“Animal?!” James realised he was shouting but he didn’t care. “How dare you call Cal an animal? He’s a human fucking being!”

Bee rolled her eyes. “I meant the sheep, moron. You’d better hurry, I want all three of you out of the way when Trent gets here.”

“Oh. Right. Er… sorry.” Feeling a bit silly, James went down the stairs ahead of her and out of the front door. Cal was standing a short way off with his back to James, Jacob held tightly in his arms. James went over to him. “Hi Cal.”

“Hi James.” Cal gave him the briefest of glances, then turned away again, his lip trembling.

“What’s wrong?” James put his arm around him. 

Cal took a shaky breath and tried to speak, but the words wouldn’t come. 

“It’s okay. Take your time.” James started to guide Cal around to the back of the house. He was aware of the tears threatening to spill out of Cal’s eyes, despite his frantic attempts to hold them back, and didn’t know what to do. He was sure Cal didn’t want to cry in front of him and might prefer it if he pretended not to notice, but James knew Cal had come to see him for a reason. If he’d wanted to be on his own, there were lots of places he could have gone but he’d come to see James.

They reached the stables and James, after a moment’s hesitation, led him into an empty stall. James closed the lower door and Cal, keeping his face averted, let go of Jacob. The little lamb seemed delighted to be free, rushing from one corner to another, eager to explore his new surroundings. 

James sat down on a hay bale and, after a moment’s hesitation, Cal sat beside him. James looked at his quivering lips, determinedly pressed together, and the fiery blue eyes that were fixed on a point on the other side of the stall. There was nothing there to glare at but James sensed Cal was actually glaring at himself, trying to force himself not to cry. James wanted to speak but could find no words.

Together, they sat and watched the lamb. At any other time, his antics might have amused them both but now, neither of them smiled.

“I – I can’t keep Jacob,” Cal burst out suddenly. “Eli said I had to take him back to you.” 

“Oh Cal.” James put his arm around Cal’s shoulders. “I’m sorry, Cal. I really am.” 

“And I just feel so bad,” Cal sobbed. 

James hugged him tightly and wished he knew what to say. “I’m sorry. It’s my fault for not talking to Eli about it first. But I’m sure it’ll get easier. You won’t feel like this forever.”

Cal turned on him. “How the fuck is it going to get easier?” he said angrily. “You don’t get it, James. I just wanted to give him a home. I wanted him to know he was wanted. His mum didn’t want him and those other ewes didn’t want him. So I wanted to show him I wanted him and now I have to take him back!”

James patted his shoulder helplessly. “Cal, I’m sure Jacob doesn’t remember what happened. He’s too young to understand.”

“Oh no, you know when you’re not wanted.” Cal’s face was streaked with tears but it was the pain in his eyes that made James feel like crying. Cal spoke jerkily, as though the words were being dragged out of him. “I’ve always felt like… I wasn’t wanted. I don’t want… anyone… to feel like that. Not even a lamb.”

James had to speak through a lump in his throat. “Of course you’re wanted, Cal. I didn’t know your parents but I’m sure your grandad loves you and I know Eli does. He’d do anything for you.”

“But he won’t let me keep Jacob,” Cal said with a helpless shrug. “And now Jacob will think no-one wants him. I know you say he can’t know, he’s only a lamb, but how do you know that, James? How do we know what they’re thinking?”

“I suppose we don’t know that, but Jacob isn’t unwanted, is he?” James said gently. “You want him. I want him. A lot of lambs – and people - grow up without a mother and they turn out just as well as the other lambs, if not better.”

Cal’s eyes met James’. He said nothing as he looked at James assessingly, trying to work out if James meant it. Then he looked away and muttered: “If that’s aimed at me, I had my brother looking out for me.”

James nodded. “Maybe Jacob needs a big brother too.”

He felt Cal flinch. “Then it’s a good thing he’s going back with the others, isn’t it?” he said bitterly.

“I didn’t mean that! I meant you!” James waited till Cal was looking at him again. “Cal, just because you can’t keep him at home, it doesn’t mean you can’t look after him and feed him every day.” 

Cal’s expression lightened, but only momentarily. “It won’t be the same.” 

James shook his head. “No. It won’t be the same. I wish it could be but you’re right. It won’t be. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth doing. It doesn’t mean it won’t make a difference. Making a little bit of difference is better than making none at all.”  
Cal thought about this, then he nodded. “A little bit of difference always helps if it’s good.”

“Yes. Exactly.” James smiled at him encouragingly. “So when you’re ready, we’ll take Jacob to the lambing sheds and you can feed him and help him get settled in. Okay?”

“Okay.” Cal scrubbed his tears away with his coat sleeve and gave James a trembly smile. “Let’s do that. If you really don’t mind.“

“Why would I mind?” James said lightly. “We always need more help with the lambs and you’re actually good at it. Besides, it’ll be good to have your company. I get on much better with you than I do with any of the others who do the lambing. You even laugh at my jokes occasionally.”

Cal’s jaw dropped dramatically. “You make jokes, James? I didn’t know that!”

“Quite a lot of people don’t seem to know that, actually,” James admitted, and Cal laughed.

“You make me laugh all the time, James. It’s just usually by accident, that’s all.” Cal stood up. “Shall we go, then?”

“If you’re okay now.” 

“I’m fine.” Cal caught Jacob and hugged him tightly while he spoke to him in Romani, presumably explaining what was going to happen. When he'd finished, the three of them headed for the lambing shed, only for Cal to stop halfway. “James… you won’t tell Eli… you know… that I was… you know…”

James ruffled his hair. “I don’t see what any of this has got to do with Eli. Or any of our friends. Eli works in the stables. if he asks if you brought the lamb back, I’ll tell him you did but anything else is none of his business.”

Cal gave him a grateful look and they carried on walking.

“James?” Cal said when they’d almost reached the lambing shed.

“Yes?”

“Has anyone ever told you you’re really cool?”

“Never in my whole life,” James said with certainty.

Cal gave him a mischievous look. “I can kind of see why, to be honest.”

“Oh, thanks a lot, Cal.”

“But I think you’re all right,” Cal said without looking at him. “You know. Some of the time.”

James laughed. He had a feeling this counted as high praise. “Thanks, Cal. I think you’re all right some of the time too.”


End file.
